


Genital Geometry

by drelfina



Series: Konoha is the Clownfish AU of the shinobi world [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Arranged Marriage AU, Clownfish AU, Fluff, Konoha Clan Politics, M/M, Multi, No Angst For Shisui, Oiroke no Jutsu | Sexy no Jutsu, Other, Shisui has hijinks for once, Uchiha Clan Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 16:29:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18720778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drelfina/pseuds/drelfina
Summary: "Shimura Danzo wants towhat," Shisui said. Because he must have taken a huge knock to the head on his last mission, he must be hearing things.***ORHow to lose a suitor in 3 easy steps!





	Genital Geometry

Shisui was twenty-two, had a whole list of completed missions as long as both arms, half of which he'd been ambushed, nearly died in due to incompetence, mistakes, and shifting field conditions. 

All of which _still_ held nothing to the shock he'd felt on being told just what his Clan Head had just told him. 

"Shimura Danzo wants to _what_ ," Shisui said. Because he must have taken a huge knock to the head on his last mission, he must be hearing things. 

"He's sent in a proposal," Fugaku said, looking like he had the world's worst migraine. Shisui might even feel sorry for him, because being in any sort of meeting with Danzo could induce that, and Shisui was _glad_ he was nowhere near the decision making processes of Clan business, let alone having to deal with Danzo making marriage proposals. 

But it was far more likely that Hatake Kakashi was driving Fugaku up the wall. Again. He'd heard the very _loud_ sounds of that… person from Itachi's garden on his way to Fugaku's office. 

That garden was not exactly abutting the Clan head's quarters, but it was definitely within ear-shot if someone was determined enough. 

And Hatake was very determined. 

Fugaku exhaled, very slowly. "He has sent in a proposal," he repeated, "To form an alliance by marrying our Clans together." 

"I got that part, it might even sound great on paper," Shisui said, leaning forward and trying his best not to set the wood of the chair under his fingers on fire. "But who is he _proposing_? Because Itachi's married as _fuck_." 

"He pointed out that there are other, as yet, unmarried and non-allied Uchiha clan members," Fugaku said, "particularly since he vastly prefers an exclusive contract." 

Shisui glared; it took effort not to snap on his sharingan - it wouldn't work anyway. 

His fingers started smoking. 

"Shisui, watch yourself," Fugaku said, calmly. 

"You let Itachi have non-exclusive contracts," Shisui pointed out, even as he knew the reason why. Itachi was the heir, Shisui was not, and Sarutobi had _allowed_ Umino Iruka to negotiate for non-exclusivity, which everyone in Uchiha was probably now regretting on a personal level, but it was pretty unsurprising considering the standing of the Sarutobi, and Itachi's Heir apparent status. 

Someone like Shisui and any number of his cousins, would probably be having to haggle very well with the other party to get them to agree to non-exclusivity. 

"I did," Fugaku said and then sighed. "I cannot turn Danzo down gracefully," he said. 

"We're allied with the Sarutobi already, _and_ the Hatake. Pretty sure that short of locating the last Senju and enticing her back, our standing has risen remarkably," Shisui said. "We don't _need_ Shimura." 

"And yet, we cannot turn Shimura down lightly," Fugaku said, voice stern. "You know that, Shisui." 

He did. He knew it. Fugaku could now turn down any contract for his clansmen from most clans now, if he desired. It probably pissed off the Hyuuga too, not that Hyuuga would ever, in a million years, offer any such contract for fear of their bloodline limits mingling. But Fugaku could turn down a potential contract, and Hyuua Hiashi was probably burning with it. 

Shisui would find this amusing if it wasn't for the fact that Shimura wasn't one of those clans Uchiha could offend. Fugaku bringing it up with Shisui was already proof of that. 

Shisui took several deep breaths and forced his fire back within himself. 

"I do," Shisui said, feeling resentment burning in him. "He's not… asking on his personal behalf, is he?" 

Fugaku was silent. 

"Fuck," Shisui said feelingly. 

*** 

At least, Shisui thought, he wasn't expected to be the one wearing the kimono or the jutsu. 

Fugaku knew that if he'd even brought it up, Shisui was have gone straight to the Hokage, asked for an S-rank and then booked it out of Konoha as soon as possible. 

He was definitely only wearing his mission blacks, his haori, and staring at the clock. 

"Here, Shisui-kun," Danzo was saying, "are these not your favourite?" 

"Not really," Shisui said, and inched away when Danzo shifted closer. 

The problem was Fugaku had been basically dismissed from the room, and while he was TECHNICALLY next door, that would not help Shisui if Danzo tried to feel Shisui up. 

Hurry up, hurry up, Shishui thought, staring at the clock harder. 

"Then this flavour? Here - let me pass you one -" 

The door slammed open. "Shisui? Shisui, I'm so sorry, Danzo-sama, but Sasuke-kun fell over and got hurt and wouldn't stop _crying_ ," said a cousin and Shisui got up immediately. 

"Has he seen a medic?" 

"He has but he wouldn't stop and you know how you're the only one besides Itachi-dono who can," Said the cousin and Shisui was already heading to the door. 

"I'm so sorry Danzo-sama," Shisui said, "Family emergency." 

And all but ran out the door. 

*** 

"We're so sorry," Fugaku said, "but how thoughtless of Shisui. We apologise and understand if you feel he is not suitable…" 

"Not suitable? Fugaku-san, his family feeling does him great credit. He should be free again next week?" 

Sasuke made a sound as Shisui slapped his hand over his mouth. "Shuddup. Dammit, couldn't you have set fire to the compound or something," he hissed. 

*** 

The second meeting was, sadly, traditionally supposed to take place in Danzo's residence, and thus Shisui couldn't use Sasuke as an excuse this time. 

Claiming that he was feeling ill had Danzo trying to comfort him physically, and Shisui cursed his inability to vomit on command, finally having to hint strongly that it was a very bad case of stomach flu allowed him to flee the Shimura residence. 

It did not, however, dissuade him from the third goddamn meeting. 

*** 

"Do you have any friends," Shisui asked his cousin-in-law. 

"What," Iruka said, looking up from his marking. 

It was a slow day at the mission desk - he could try to get some work done while waiting for straggling genin teams and their extremely picky jounin sensei. 

"Was that an insult," Iruka said. 

"No," Shisui said, trying his best not to look wild around the eyes. "Just - any friends. Anyone at all that isn't Sarutobi Asuma." 

"Asuma is my brother," iruka said. 

"You know you're so right," Kotetsu said, suddenly dropping himself on Iruka's shoulders. "We never spend time together ever since you got married." 

"I see you on every mission-room shift," Iruka said, rolling his shoulders. 

"That's _work_ ," Kotetsu said, 'you never come out with us for drinks, even though Genma _asks_." 

"Genma, Shiranui Genma?" Shisui said. 

"Yo," Genma said, "who's asking." 

"My cousin-in-law is asking if we are friends," Iruka said, dryly, and managed to stab Kotetsu in the side with the sharp side of his pen till he let go whining. 

"You're tokubetsu jounin," Shisui said, eyes narrowing. 

Shiranui Genma, who, despite his somewhat laid back behaviour, was one of the more dangerous and skilled ANBU operatives. According to the ANBU gossip tree, he was unofficially the one who had supposedly trained Hatake Kakashi in ANBU, who in turn had been Itachi's ANBU-taicho. 

"Yeah, Uchiha-san," Genma said, cocking his head. "I don't think we'd ever gone on missions together." 

"No, I would have remembered," Shisui said, starting to smile. "You're perfect." 

*** 

"Danzo-sam, I'm _so_ sorry," Shisui said, clinging to Genma's arm. "I understand the _huge_ honour you're paying myself, but - I-" 

He had seen how Danzo had LOOKED at him when Shisui had shown up at the third meeting, delayed by a month and a half because of two back-to-back missions, with the extremely female curves under his jounin-vest, to the point that he'd almost missed Shiranui Genma's presence. 

"We're _in love_ ," Shisui said, and dropped his head against Genma's shoulder. 

Danzo and Fugaku looked equally shocked. 

"And I'm bearing his child." Shisui added. 

"Shisui," Fugaku said, looking like he'd swallowed his tongue something like five minutes ago. "This seems - sudden…" 

"I cannot live without him," Genma said. 

His delivery was so deadpan that Shisui had to surreptitiously pinch him on the hip. 

Genma's senbon barely wavered. 

"I'm so sorry, Fugaku-sama," Shisui said, and yup, he definitely could bring out the tears. It was _much_ easier to tear up in his female form, for some reason. "I know that it's not _right_ , But I'm willing to bear the shame of bearing his bastards -" 

"Hey, no need to insult our children like that," Genma said. 

Danzo looked like he was trying to recoil from - what was it, the female-tears or the out of wedlock pregnancy? Either way it looked like it was working. 

Fugaku finally gave Shisui a very narrow look before turning to Danzo. 

"It cannot be helped, Danzo-sama. Young people _will_ feel things strongly. Look what happened to that Sarutobi boy." 

"You will really ally him to -" Danzo gestured at Genma. Both Shisui and Genma twitched, just a little. "- instead of to an actual clan?" 

"If Sarutobi-sama approves, it surely must be good enough for all Clans in Konoha," Fugaku said, not sounding like he was grinding glass. 

Shisui was going to be paying for it later but oh well. 

"I cannot sully your clan name with a bastard, Danzo-sama," Shisui said with some added tearfulness. 

Genma stabbed a piece of cake with a senbon. "Hey, I said I was willing to be a father to them, didn't I." 

"I cannot live without him, Fugaku-sama," Shisui said, which was threatening to be a wail and he could see Fugaku fold like wet tissue paper. 

_Definitely_ going to pay for it later. 

But it was worth it. 

*** 

"Seriously, Shisui," Fugaku growled. "That was the _worst_ acting I've ever seen." 

"It worked," Itachi said calmly, watching Shisui blow over the signatures on his very much non-exclusivity marriage contract. "And Shiranui is a decent family, one of the vassal families that came over with the Hyuuga during the Founding. Hyuuga Hiashi is going to blow a blood vessel." 

"Don't think you can sell this to me just because it'll piss off Hyuuga Hiashi," Fugaku muttered. 

"And Shisui can be the one to go break the news to Hyuuga-sama," Itachi said blandly. "I don't doubt that he'd do a good job." 

"Hey," Shisui said, "I thought you were supposed to be on my side, Itachi-kun!" 

"I am," Itachi said. "I could have hooked you up with Ebisu instead." 

Shisui almost threw the contract at his head. 

***

"Why did you run off," Genma groused at Raidou. "You know I could have done with the support as an incipient father." 

"You are _terrible_ at acting," Raidou said. "I've sat through every seduction mission of yours, you can't expect me to sit through this and keep a straight face." 

"If you're the one _so_ good at keeping a straight face," Genma growled, snagged Raidou's arm and spun his laughing partner around, "then you should have been the 'father'." 

"But here I am, a _nobody_ ," Raidou sniggered, "while you're from a vassal family, how likely would they believe that I dared fuck Uchiha-sama outside of an ANBU mission?" 

"Are you _saying_ I-" 

"Yes I am," Raidou said, curling his other arm around Genma's waist and pulling him flush. "You came home and bragged to me after that Kumo-mission remember?" 

"That was Hyuuga Iroha, you ass," Genma said, but he was leaning in to kiss Raidou. 

"Oh _right_ ," Raidou said, faux-enlightened. "And isn't it supposed to be, what happens in ANBU stays in ANBU, ANBU-san?" 

"Yeah but you're ANBU too, jerk," Genma said, against Raidou's mouth. "So whatever happens is still in ANBU, okay." 

"And now you've managed to get us a surrogate," Raidou hummed. "Good job, ANBU-san." 

"Yeah, yeah," Genma said, "See how good I am? You should reward me, ANBU-san." 

Raidou laughed and tipped them both towards the nearest flat surface, which happened to be their kitchen table. "Alright, ANBU-san, How about you try screaming my name?" 

END.

**Author's Note:**

> Alternate titles:  
> How to lose a suitor in 3 easy steps  
> Threesomes are cooperative
> 
> I mean i do love this book okay. 
> 
> So, The whole idea of the jutsu and marriage contracts DOES hinge on the person's ability to hold the jutsu for a full nine months or more for birth. There's a possibility of using seals and so forth, but it might actually be easier to just get a surrogate. 
> 
> And Shisui was desperate enough to wriggle out of that arrangement with Danzo.
> 
> God knows how the Hyuuga took it.
> 
> LOL 
> 
> Also this is like, the first fic/Universe I've managed that _didn't_ fuck up Shisui. He's alive! He's not traumatised! He was willing to bear illegal babies to get it! He probably had been banging Genma every single day of that one month and a half to ENSURE he got pregnant. 
> 
> Also the Uchiha are SHIT ACTORS, Fugaku knew it as soon as they said Sasuke 'won't stop crying'. because there is no way that they wouldn't just fucking sharingan their kids to sleep if they're crying. 
> 
> Uchiha need to be in hospitals as walking pain-relief, okay. 
> 
> (Okay yes it sounds almost dystopic if you put it that way but. Well, no one's traumatised?)


End file.
